To be happy, you just have to forget yourself!

imagesGo back to the first day you can remember. Please come up with a day, during the time in your waking hours, when you were totally free from want and desire. You do not have desires for fun. Your desires are important to you and you want to fulfill them so that you can be happier and fuller than what you are now. When you were a child, you wanted a toy and your mother said, ‘No’. You wanted to play and your mother said, ‘Play later, study now.’ When you did not want to go to school, your father said, ‘You have to go.’ When you did not want to wear certain clothes, your father said, ‘You must wear them.’ When you wanted something else like a balloon, the answer was, ‘Not now.’ One more chocolate? ‘No.’ There were number of desires which you did not fulfill as a child, in the school or at home. This repeated day after day. As a young man or woman, again desires remained unfulfilled. Now you are an adult and the desires have only multiplied. Still many remain unfulfilled. Can you come up with one day where you were completely free from desires? Even today, you have number of desires of which some have been replaced because you could not fulfill them.

Thus you have always believed that you were a wanting, inadequate person. You want to have a bigger house in a better locality and a better job. You wish your son or daughter was a little different. Your daughter-in-law must, of course, be different! You wish everything were better. Thus, you want so many things to be different in your life.

Then suddenly, in between you hear a joke, you laugh. There are moments in your life you pick up glimpses of joy. One day, out of the blue, the stars and sky seem to be very beautiful. They seem to capture your imagination and make you happy. When a child lies there putting the big toe in its mouth, watching the sky, you feel so happy. Or it just laughs at the ceiling for no reason. You do not know why but you find yourself laughing along. You become as innocent as the child at that time. Where there is laughter, there is joy. There are moments in life, when you get what you want or when there are some desirable sensory experiences, then you are happy. You read an inspiring quote or a wonderful sentence, you become happy. You see a nice cartoon, you are happy. You observe something amusing happening on the side walk, you are happy or you simply hear a slapstick joke, you are happy. There are hundreds of occasions in life, whether desires are fulfilled or not; with all your problems, self-condemnations, opinions about yourself, in spite of all this where you find yourself happy.

That happiness is you. There is no demand there, because you are fullness which manifests when demand is absent. The mind then sheds and forgets all the problems, desires and wishes. It just gives up all that and you find you are happy. Happiness only happens when you forget about yourself! When clouds go away, the sun is seen. When the clouds come, the sun is not seen.

Similarly, the clouded mind, the demanding person that you have been with the mind, gives up the demands for the time being because of the desirable situation. You find fullness manifests. But again you demand because you do not know the truth. You only go by experience, you do not know. That the experience of happiness is you, you do not know.

Not knowing that happiness is you, inevitably a new thought arises and you begin to remember your demands, wishes, problems and you are the same old person. You become happy one moment, that is you and the next moment, you are sad, that is not you. But that is the available you, demanding you. So happy, sad, happy, sad; if you know it alternates in this way, life will be wonderful. There will be no problem because you know happiness is going to come next minute and you can be happy still. Even if sorrow comes, it does not matter, do not worry because happiness will follow. But life is not like that. The length of sorrow far outweighs the period of happiness.

In happiness, you cannot say that the world is not there. The world is very much there. You listen to music, you are happy. You listen to the Swami and he jokes, so you are all happy. At that time the world is there, you are there, the mind is there, eyes are there, ears are there, the self is there. See what is not there, then you will understand unhappiness. You do not want the Swami to be different and you do not want yourself to be different. You do not want this hall to be different, or any situation to be different. When you are happy, what happens? There is no dividing line between you and me, meaning there is no demand. You are very much present, but the demanding you is absent and you are happy.

The world does not create any dent in your fullness. It does not create any division in your consciousness. Your fullness can accommodate the whole creation. Fullness always continues. This is what happens whenever your mind is non-demanding, you are non-demanding. That happiness is nothing but fullness, limitlessness, you. This is You!

Swami Dayananda Saraswati
Adapted  from Vision of Gita in Ten Essential Verses

With all your problems, self-condemnations, and low self-opinions at times you find you are happy. Why? How?

 

imagesWe all have desires that remain unfulfilled, throughout our lives. These desires are of two types. The first is a desire to do, to accomplish something. Whether or not you fulfill this desire, does not bother you. We do not refer to these desires as kama because they do not bind you. These are desires in whose fulfillment you find yourself happy and in whose non-fulfillment you do not become sad. Everyone has “a few desires like that.

Binding and Non-binding Desires

Suppose you desired to have an evening walk. It rained and you could not go for the walk. If it does not bother you then the desire is of a non-binding nature. You may have wanted to meet somebody. You could not meet that person and it does not bother you. Then that desire is a non-binding desire. All great masters too, have desires to fulfill. They undertake lots of activity, all of them are necessarily backed by desires. These are non-binding because they have mastered desires. Binding desire is when the fulfillment of a desire makes you elated and its non-fulfillment reduces you to a wanting person.

You all have had desires in your life which you felt should have been fulfilled. Without their fulfillment, you found your lives to be incomplete. All throughout life, from the time your memory is activated, you find you have always been a desiring person. Desires which are binding in nature are called kama. I gave the argument that in spite of these desires being there, you do find yourself happy occasionally. That there is a possibility of your being happy in spite of these desires, can prove a point. Perhaps to be happy, you do not require to fulfill all your desires. Although, mark the difference, you can happily fulfill all your desires. Therefore if fulfilling all your desires alone makes you a complete person, it is impossible for anybody to be happy without fulfilling all these desires.

Binding desires are also of two types. First is the desire to avoid, get rid of something and the second is the desire to get, experience something. Both positive and negative are included in this type of desire. You have those desires to stall events from happening or to avoid and get rid of things which irritate you. These desires are meant to keep sorrow away. The positive desires are those in whose fulfillment, you hope to be happier than you are right now.

In spite of these desires if one can be happy, perhaps you do not require anything to be happy. Let us analyze happiness a little closer. The wrong notion is that we become happy fulfilling a desire and unhappy when we do not. Sometimes you fulfill a desire and become happy. On the other hand, sometimes you fulfill a desire and find yourself unhappy because you did not know what was in store.

You cannot conclude that only by fulfilling a desire everyone becomes happy. For instance, you happen to hear somebody say something flattering about you like, ’You are wonderful and beautiful etc.’, then you become happy. You may find something amusing and you are happy. You take the newspaper, see a funny cartoon, start laughing and you are happy. No desire was fulfilled in order for you to be happy. Therefore, you do find yourself happy occasionally.

From where do you get these moments of happiness, which come in spite of unfulfilled desires? They either come from outside or from inside. That is exactly our contention. Some say that happiness is outside. They go after things for happiness and we call them materialistic.

And then there are the spiritualists who say happiness ‘ is to be discovered inside. If you think the outside world makes you happy, we need to see what all constitutes the outside world.

The Nature of Happiness

There is no given object in the world called happiness. Otherwise, you would all want to possess that object. There is neither such an object in the world, nor is happiness a perceivable attribute to an object, like a blue lily or a white lotus. You also do not see happiness sticking to an object. Suppose you see a happy man, how do you know he is happy? ‘Yes, he is happy Swamiji. He laughs all the time.’ He may be smiling, but behind that smile, that laughter, whatever joy is there may be as false as his teeth. Therefore, you do not know, you cannot judge. You cannot also say happiness is an attribute to an object, an adjective to its appearance. Happiness is neither an object nor an attribute of an object. What else is there in the world then?

Is a particular place happiness? Is a particular time happiness? Is a particular direction happiness? No, none of these are. Happiness is neither in the East nor in the West. One person is going from west to east for happiness, and the other fellow is going from east to west. Both of them are moving in opposite directions looking for happiness. You cannot really pinpoint any particular time or place in which you are happy.

Your external world is now finished with objects, attributes, time and place. There is no other source of happiness available externally. None of them can be looked upon as happiness.

If you say happiness is not outside, happiness is inside, what does it mean? Do you search inside the body, where there is a kidney full of stones, a bloated liver, a heart prone to attacks, a stomach meant for ulcers? Certainly, none of these is a source of happiness. You can say mind is the source of happiness. So that means when you are sad you will not have any mind. Actually, when you are sad, there is lot more mind than necessary. I told you, sadness. does not come by a single thought, you have to work for it. Therefore, you cannot say that the mind is a. source of happiness. In fact the mind is the problem.

‘Swamiji when the mind is happy, I am happy.’ In fact even when the mind is unhappy, you are still happy. You are the one looking at the mind and you are happy. At that time, the mind becomes a non-demanding, pleased mind. All your demands are met with for the time being. Either all your wishes are fulfilled for the time being or you have forgotten all those wishes and demands for the time being. Something overwhelmingly fascinating has captured your imagination. You are a complete, non-demanding person at this time. The world is there like music. The world does not rob you of your happiness. The senses do not deny you happiness, much. less does the mind. The mind is, the senses are, the world is, you are and yet you are happy.

The only thing absent at this time is your seeking. You cease to be a seeker. You want neither yourself nor the world to be different. That has nothing to do with the mind. It is not the intrinsic property of the mind. The mind is meant to think, nothing more than that. It is not meant to make you happy or anything. When the mind is pleased or you are pleased, the mind is very simple, appreciative and admiring. You find yourself a happy person. Understand that happiness is an experiential word, in which your own fullness, limitlessness is manifest.

The outside world is there. I am there. There is harmony between me and the world. I am not seeker with reference to the world, the seeker is gone. The world and myself have become one. There is only wholeness, fullness, oneness, limitlessness. It is what happens when you appreciate the stars, appreciate good music. On all these occasions, there is no hindrance between you and the object. Both become one undivided whole, without the dividing factor. The dividing factor is nothing but the thought, ‘I am the seeker, this is the sought,’ or ’I want this to be a little different.’ And the moment is gone.

You can appreciate a lot of things Without money. Money can provide a lot of things, but you are the one who is going to make use of them. Do Whatever you need to do to make your life comfortable. Then, to make your life happy, you have to discover you are fullness. In every moment of happiness, you are yourself. At that time, you forget all your demands. All your life is a struggle to forget yourself. The moment you remember yourself, you become unhappy. Music makes you forget, movies make you forget, a disco makes you forget, more than one drink makes you forget. This is the whole tragedy. There is no greater tragedy in life than not being able to be with yourself. You cannot accept yourself. You cannot stand yourself, for you are a desiring person, a wanting person.

You are the very content of happiness.

The Gita says the contrary, ’You are the Very content of happiness and not the desiring, wanting person.’

प्रजहाति यदा कामान्सर्वान्पार्थ मनोगतान् |
आत्मन्येवात्मना तुष्ट: स्थितप्रज्ञस्तदोच्यते || 2.55||

prajahāti yadā kāmān sarvān pārtha mano-gatān
ātmany-evātmanā tu
ha sthita-prajñas tadochyate

prajahāti—discards; yadā—when; kāmān—selfish desires; sarvān—all; pārtha—Arjun, the son of Pritha; mana-gatān—of the mind; ātmani—of the self; eva—only; ātmanā—by the purified mind; tuha—satisfied; sthita-prajña—one with steady intellect; tadā—at that time; uchyate—is said

Happiness is an experiential word, the truth of which is nothing but limitlessness, yourself. The one who knows this fact revels in himself, आत्मन्येवात्मना तुष्ट: स्थितप्रज्ञस्तदोच्यते, प्रजहाति यदा कामान्सर्वान्पार्थ मनोगतान् O Partha, Arjuna, such a one gives up all desires as they arise in his mind. He not only gives up the desire to do but all desires to be happy afterwards also. He does that only by being happy with himself, आत्मन्येवात्मना तुष्ट:. He is happy, being awake to the fact of his fullness. Such a person has no more axes to grind. He is free and his wisdom is true. Lord Krsna calls him a ’sthitaprajna’ स्थितप्रज्ञ because his prajna प्रज्ञा, knowledge is firm, clear, and without doubt.

Therefore, it is only a matter of clarity, of clear understanding of your being free from any limitations. All self-judgement is purely born from ignorance of oneself alone. Knowledge makes you recognize yourself as a completely free person. You are free enough to do anything, even start a new industry. You can do whatever you want. You are not doing anything to become happy afterwards. If you think you are doing something for happiness, you will be unhappy all the way. This clarity of vision about oneself is not experience. Understand this clearly. In an experience, you have a moment of happiness which is in actual fact, the experience of yourself. That experience has to be understood and assimilated in the form of, ‘Happiness is nothing but myself alone.’

This understanding is exactly what Vedanta is out to give.

Swami Dayananda Saraswati

Excerpts from: Vision of Gita in Ten Essential Verses

What is life? A continuous series of experiences.

openeyes

The term “Life” is easier to understand by analyzing and understanding its antonym “Death”. An organism is said to be dead when it completely ceases to receive or respond to the stimuli from external objects. In other words, “Death” is a state of total cessation of experience. Life, therefore, is defined as a continuous series of experiences – anubhavadhara, अनुभवधारा.

Since life is a series of experiences, each experience becomes a unit of life just as a brick is the unit of a wall. The strength or weakness of a wall will depend upon the quality and texture of the bricks constituting it. Similarly, the type of experiences that an individual goes through will determine the character of his life. If his experiences are happy, his life is happy and if they are miserable, his life is miserable.

An individual gains an experience when he receives and responds to a stimulus from the external world. An experience therefore is constituted of the following three entities:-

The Experiencer ….the subject,
The Experienced… the object,
The Experiencing…..the relationship between the subject and the object.

The field of enquiry of the ऋषि Rsis, was the “experiencer”, whereas that of the physical scientist was the “experienced”. Investigation about the “experiencer” is philosophy, while investigation about the “experienced” is science.

The Rsis tried to develop the inner personality of man and make him independent of the environment and happenings in his world. Thus, their goal was to raise the standard of life in man.

The scientists, on the other hand, tried to beautify and make the world a better place to live in; their attempt was, therefore, directed to raising the standard of living.

Swami Chinmayanada
Excerpts from: Self-Unfoldment

What is mind? What is an intellect?

When we ask the question, “What is the mind?” an intelligent person will probably answer, “Mind is thought.” Yes, whenever there are thoughts, we can say that the mind exists. Whenever there are no thoughts, we can say there is no mind. In deep sleep no thoughts exist, and therefore there is no mind.

Thus, thoughts and the mind are very much interrelated. If the thoughts are calm, the mind is calm. If the thoughts are agitated, the mind is agitated. If the thoughts are hopeful, the mind is hopeful. The mind is exactly as the thoughts in it.

However, thought alone is not the mind. The sages of India concluded that the thoughts and the mind have a relationship similar to that of water and the river:

Water by itself is not a river. A pool of water is not a river. However, when waters flow in a continuous stream, a river is born. Thus, a river is water flowing. Similarly, thought by itself is not the mind, but when thoughts flow, the mind exists. When the waters of the river are muddy, the river is called muddy. When the waters are clean, the river is clean. When the waters are fast, the river is fast. As the waters, so the river. Similarly with the mind: as the thoughts, so the mind. If the thoughts are good, the mind is good. If the thoughts are bad, the mind is called bad. A person may have a beautiful body, a big car, and a million dollars, but if his mind is unhappy, he is unhappy. If the mind is good, the whole world is attracted to the owner of that mind.

We can understand the mind further by understanding its relationship to the intellect. We can think of the mental function as the expression of thoughts in two different ways:

Thoughts as emotions = the mind  – संकल्प विकल्पत्मकं मनः
Thoughts as ideas or decisions = the intellect (buddhi) – निश्चयत्मिक बुधि

We can understand the differences between these two aspects of the mental function by again using the analogy of the river:

Mind A flow of thoughts, like the flow of water in a river
Intellect: That which directs the thoughts, just like the banks of a river direct the water in it

Swami Chinmayananda
Excerpts from Self-Unfoldment

The Happiness Equation

contemplation

The scriptures explain this truth and help to awaken the dormant faculty in us. Once we learn the art of quieting the mind, our mind will no longer find it necessary to pursue the objects of the world for gaining peace and happiness. At that point we will have learned the real joy of living. We will get established in a state of permanent happiness, independent of the environment or the circumstances. A person who has achieved this state stands out like a beacon-light for others.

Happiness = Number of desires fulfilled / Number of desires entertained

We can increase the amount of happiness by either of the following:

  1. Increasing the numerator
  2. Decreasing the denominator

Fulfillment of existing desires quiets the agitations created by desires. Again, if we have fewer desires, the agitations in the mind are lessened. In either case, it is the lessening of agitations that quiets the mind and therefore produces happiness.

The formula works. However, there is one caution about Working on the numerator only: Fulfilling our desires generally causes more desires to spring up.

No sooner do we have the desire for a new house fulfilled, then springs up the desire for new carpeting. As soon as the house is freshly recarpeted, a previously unknown desire for a deck looms its head. No sooner is the deck finished, then the desire for a swimming pool has us in its grips. It never stops.

And as the number of desires increases, the denominator increases, resulting in reduced happiness. Thus, the best way of establishing permanent happiness is to reduce the number of desires entertained by directing our thoughts to a higher ideal of principle.

Swami Chinmayananda Saraswati

Excerpts from: Self-unfoldment

How do we become free from worries and anxieties?

gurudev (2)Worrying comes to us naturally. It is not as if there can ever be no worries in life. Though it would be easy to declare that there are no reasons for worry, there can certainly be some genuine causes for worry.

Let us understand the nature, of worries. Why do we worry? It may be a question of physical security. Suppose we are subjected to physical abuse, there can be worry that we may be abused again. Health can be a cause for worry. Income can be a cause for worry. The future can be a cause for worry. These are some of the things we may worry about.

We must, however, recognize that mere worrying does not help or accomplish anything. If we find ourselves worried about something, we must confront the object of worry and act upon it. If it is possible to alter the situation, we must try to change things to make the situation more pleasant or agreeable.

There are certain inevitable things in life that we cannot help and which we cannot change. Worrying about things that we cannot change is not right. Lord Krishna says,

अपरिहार्येर्थे न त्वं शोचितुमर्हसि !!
aparihāryerthe na tvaṁ śhochitum arhasi

You should not grieve over that which cannot be altered [Bhagavad Gita, 2-27].

The inevitable cannot be changed and we have to accept it gracefully. We should have the willingness to gracefully accept the unpleasant realities of life.

Anxiety occurs because we are not willing to accept the unpleasant. It is natural that we are unwilling to accept pain or unwilling to accept the unfavorable. But we must remember that the unpleasant, the unfavorable, or the undesirable is also a reality of life. Because we cannot avoid certain things, such as physical pain, we must be willing to accept them gracefully. However, accept them in the spirit of humility, not defiance or worry and anxiety, or sadness and fear. Accept it as boldly as you can and with a prayerful mind.

Prayer also helps in reducing anxiety. You can pray and seek the grace of the Lord that you may avoid unfavorable situations as well as seek the strength to confront the inevitable. Worries and anxieties call for a response. To the extent possible, this response must be in terms of our willingness to accept the inevitable. We are born, and we are bound to grow old. We have a body, and there is bound to be a disease. Where there is birth, death will also surely come. Where there is wealth, poverty can also be at hand. Where there is an association, disassociation is just as likely. These are some of the laws of nature that we have to accept, however difficult, not out of a sense of helplessness, but with grace. If possible, accept them as prasada, the grace of the Lord.

There are certain aspects to every situation that we can change and many things that we cannot change. We should use our will and courage to change what we can change, and gracefully accept whatever we cannot. This is the way to deal with worries and anxieties. When we were born, everything was provided for us. As we go along in life, whatever we need continues to be provided. We must trust that there is somebody taking care of us. Whoever has caused this birth will take care. Of course, this does not mean that we remain with hands folded and do nothing to help ourselves. But we must have sraddha, faith or trust in the scheme of things, a reasonable trust that there is fairness, which will take care of everything. It should also be acceptable to us that things may not always go well.

When we worry, let us confront that worry. Sometimes the worry is purely a supposition, as in what if? We tend not to confront situations. We simply choose to worry. ”Swamiji, what if I lose my job?” I Would only ask you to explore your own fears: “So, what will happen?” “Oh, I won’t have any income.” “So what will, happen?” ”It will mean that I cannot pay my mortgage.” “So what will happen?” “I cannot continue to live in’ this house.” “Then move to an apartment.” “What will people think of me?” ”Let them think Whatever they want.”

Very often, we impose too many requirements upon. ourselves. We have an image of ourselves and want to conform to it, imagining that we cannot be otherwise. But We. can be. When we examine our own thoughts deeply enough, we will be able to confront the unpleasant as well. It is not that we cannot confront it. We surely can. If not, we can pray to the Lord to give us the strength to confront whatever we are faced with

“God, give me the serenity to accept gracefully what I cannot change. Give me the will and courage to change what I can. And give me the wisdom to know the difference.”

Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati

Excerpts from: Satsanga with Swami Viditatmananda Vol.1
Link to videos Swamiji’s Discourse

What is anger? Is it justified? How can I manage it?

gurudev (2)Let us understand the occurrence of anger. It is anger that gets us and not vice-versa. Is anger justified? Well, we cannot get angry deliberately. Justification should be sought for something that is under our control. When that is not so, there is no question of justification. We find ourselves angry. Anger grips us. We are helpless.

Anything done in anger will cause someone harm. Anger will hurt both the one it is directed against, and the one expressing it. Anger does not solve any problem. It can never be productive in any sense. It is very often used as a tool to control others. But it is not an effective weapon. Anger is like a match-stick that must burn before it can burn something else. Anger will burn one’ s own mind and heart before it burns another’s.

Anger is a result of. demand. When a demand is not satisfied it gives rise to anger. The demands we make of others, and the world, come from our emotional needs. These needs are expressed as demands through which one wants to control others. When these demands are not met with, frustration comes. When one is not in control it makes the person feel helpless. This frustration and helplessness manifest as anger. The way to freedom from anger is to first recognize its mechanism.

Learn to accept the world for what it is. Learn to accept ourselves as we are. Graceful acceptance of things as they are is a way to become free. from demands and anger.

People say anger is justified in situations Where injustice and harm is inflicted upon innocent people. Then also a proper response is in order, but not anger. Clarity and firmness of conviction will help us determine what an appropriate response is.

Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that anger is our number one enemy. It arises from demand or desire. It is best to understand our mind and its demands and to deal with them accordingly so that anger does not get in the way. We can remain deliberate and do what is right in a given situation.

Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati

Excerpts from: Hindu Dharma Basics & Beyond
Link to Swamiji’s Discourses Videos

 

 

Excerpts from: Hindu Dharma Basics & Beyond

How does one establish freedom from conflict in a relationship?

gurudev (2)

What creates conflicts is often conflicting demands. Two people in a relationship may have conflicting demands. Each one is a demanding and a needy person. Demands indicate emotional need. We are not totally content with ourselves. We need others to love us, make us happy. For that we need them to conduct themselves in a certain agreeable way. Then only do we feel loved.

How do we know we are loved? Love being subjective, there is no one way of judging or sensing it. We may understand it if we are sensitive, but we are often not. So we judge love by the way the other person conducts himself or herself. The reason we make demands upon others to conduct themselves our way is because of our need for their acceptance, love and respect. This is our way of asking for comfort. Unfortunately they also have their needs and expect the same of us. Conflicts arise when these expectations are different. So accept others as they are with their virtues and limitations and be as undemanding as possible.

Ideally, freedom in a relationship is when there are no demands from those related to each other. A relationship is healthy when each one’s needs, welfare and comfort are met with love and understanding. Freedom in a relationship requires maturity on both sides. Maturity is in terms of understanding that a relationship is for mutual help, support and nurturing. This kind of attitude establishes harmony.

A relationship based on mature give and take, nurturing, nourishing and sustenance will blossom and gain strength. To the extent the relationship is free from demands and is established on the basis of helping and giving, with concern and care for each other, to that extent there will be freedom from conflicts in the relationship.

Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati

Excerpts from Hindu Dharma, Basics & Beyond
Link to Swamiji’s Discourses Videos

How do we overcome attachments & aversions?

gurudev (2)

A राग raga, attachment is created for something because of a particular viewpoint, e. g., dwelling merely at the benefits or the virtues of a given thing. Similarly, dwelling too long on the defects or disadvantages of a thing creates द्वेस dvesa, aversion. Both raga and dvesa are results of a partial viewpoint. If constantly dwelling on the virtues creates raga, let the mind do दोष-दर्सन dosa-darsana, see the faults or the harm involved in association with that object or being. This is called प्रतिपक्ष-भावना pratipaksa-bhavana – deliberately taking the opposite view point. The objective of pratipaksa-bhavana is to take into account the totality, not just one viewpoint.

विरज्य विषयव्रातादोष्द्रष्ट्या मुहुर्मुहुः !
virjya visaydvriitat dosadrstya muhurmuhuh!

The Vivekacudamani [22] says detachment can be created by making the mind see again and again the dosa, the defect or harm associated with the thing.

The pratipaksa-bhavana should be applied not only to the ragas and dvesas, but also to the related emotions such as indulgence (kama काम), anger (krodha, क्रोध), and greed (lobha लोभ्). If there is anger, we bring in its opposite emotions such as compassion and forgiveness. If there is greed, we bring in contentment, satisfaction with what we have. Thus, we keep observing our emotions or impulses and keep neutralizing them; Thus, alertness is to identify these emotions and neutralize them.

As Lord Krishna teaches us, we should do what is right rather than doing what we like in every situation. What we like is the result of our ragas and dvesas; what is right requires us ‘to subdue these emotions. We need to cultivate प्रसाद-बुध्धि prasada-buddhi, graceful acceptance. We should accept the outcome of our efforts as प्रसाद prasada grace of ईश्वर isvara (Lord); then we will not react with frustration or elation. Success also is prasada and so is failure. We can avoid elation and depression with prasada-buddhi. We should strive to maintain equanimity of mind in everything -whether we are walking, talking, doing any action. Do what is right rather than what you like. Accept gracefully what you cannot change, and commit to do what is right; where you can do something. See isvara everywhere.

Ragas and dvesas arise because we give too much importance to dissimilarities or disparities, or whenever we give importance to the name and form which is but a costume. There are many commonalities also. Even if we do not go all the way to isvara, we can notice that all the bodies are common and they are but modification of food. All are products of the five basic elements. Thus, we can identify the sameness in all beings. Let us make our minds pay attention to what is common. Thus; make a commitment to see the sameness in everything or समत्व-द्रष्टा samatva-drasta. Ultimately, isvara of course is सम  sama or equal everywhere. Thu, seeing Lord Narayana or Lord Siva in everything is an excellent way of making the mind free from ragas and devsas. We work with the minds and its impulses constantly this way.

Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati

Excerpts from Satsanga with Swami Viditatmananda, Vol 2
Link to Swamiji’s Discourses Videos

How do you find the agenda or purpose of life? Is living life as a householder and raising children the agenda?

gurudev (2)

Doing your work and raising your children are only a means to an agenda; they are themselves not the agenda. One’s agenda in life can simply be emotional maturity. We are born with an innate desire to be happy and free. When can you experience this happiness and freedom? It can happen only when you are emotionally mature. Therefore, emotional maturity becomes an agenda in itself. All the things you do, such as your work or raising children, should be done in such a way that they bring about emotional maturity. These are very demanding things. You fulfill all those duties properly to bring about emotional maturity. It is different if you cop out or take short cuts, but if you sincerely fulfill the demands that are made upon you, Whether in your workplace or in relating to your family, your friends, or the community, life will become a process of achieving emotional maturity. Whatever you do must be done in keeping with dharma so that your very life will become a means to emotional maturity.

Relating to each other requires us to drop and let go of things. As much as is possible, we must let go of our demands, our rights, and our egos in order to nourish and nurture relationships. The most important thing in any relationship is our ability to nurture that relationship. After all, most of our happiness comes from relationships. Objects such as pizza and ice cream might contribute in a small way, but as emotional beings, our real happiness or joy comes from our relationships. By relationships, I mean all kinds of relationships Whether between a husband and wife, between, parents and children, between siblings, friends or in the workplace. Each one of these relationships can be a source of great happiness just as much as each one of them can also be a problem. That’s why every relationship is important.

A friendship, for example, is a very precious relationship. It is a great blessing to have a good friend, and however many you may have, you must nourish each friendship. Just as a young plant needs you to constantly take care of it, so also, every relationship requires a commitment on your part not to take it for granted. We cannot take any relationship for granted. Nothing can be taken for granted. Each relationship requires nurturing and nourishing. It requires an investment on one’s part. In turn, the relationship is a source of great joy. Every relationship can, therefore, become a means to grow in emotional maturity.

Every relationship has its own demands. The relationship between a husband and wife may be one of the most demanding relationships. Even the relationship of the teacher and student such as between us needs to be maintained, nurtured, and nourished. Therefore, each one has to play the role of being related to another properly.

We are constantly relating to the world. That is the nature of our lives. Our minds are ceaselessly thinking about something or someone. Our interaction with the world is also a relationship. We are social beings and relationships are the most important and valuable things that We have. This demands that we value them and treat them with commitment and wisdom. Therefore, even as you live the life of a householder, it is a means to grow in emotional maturity. Guard against your ego coming in the way of your relationships. Remember that the ego is not a source of happiness, but a burden. If the relationship requires that you drop the ego, then that is good. Why don’t you drop it? When we understand this, we will be ready to let go.

Swami Viditatmanand Saraswati
Excerpts from Satsanaga with Swami Viditatmanand, Vol. 2